By: Staff Contributor
As a child, I vividly remember my father's prayers, which often included blessings for health, love, happiness, and strong connections with others. He encouraged me to pray for these things as well, but his wish for me to be well-liked by others has always held a special place in my heart. In Ethiopian culture, pouring water for elders before and after they eat is a traditional gesture of respect, often followed by their blessings. So whenever I poured water for him, my father would frequently bless me with the words, 'May people like you or May you be lovable' not to mean popular, although it sounds so much better in Amharic ‘yesew meweded yestish’. I never quite understood why he felt the need to bless me with that wish but I grew up wishing for the same thing. Interestingly, I don't recall him ever blessing me with wealth, which might explain why I'm not a millionaire yet.
I am grateful for the kindness I have encountered from others. I try to reciprocate that kindness whenever possible. And while I can't be everyone's cup of tea, I generally get along well with people unless people are putting on a show (which happens more often than you'd think). So, I guess my dad's prayers for me to be 'people's person' have been fulfilled.
Lately, I've come to the realization that I tend to be a people pleaser. In my efforts to steer clear of conflict, I often find myself yielding to the wishes of others. I prioritize maintaining harmony over engaging in disputes, as I struggle with the aftermath of arguments. To me, disagreements usually result in lingering resentment or the potential breakdown of relationships, so I do my best to sidestep them, even when it might be necessary to address an issue. The moment I do confront someone and they respond in kind, I often find myself overwhelmed, and a single disagreement with someone can leave me feeling like I want to quit. It’s an emotional rollercoaster for me.
This pattern has led me to reflect on my fear of being disliked. I admire those who can express their thoughts candidly, without worrying about how their words might affect others, as they prioritize authenticity over approval. In contrast, I find myself expending a lot of energy trying to figure out how to voice a critical opinion without being hurtful, focusing on the actions rather than the person. It’s a delicate balance that often leaves me feeling drained, as I navigate the complexities of communication while trying to stay true to my values.
I often strive to be kind and approachable, but when I do have a moment of frustration, people seem surprised and wonder what’s wrong with me. Typically, I play the role of the good cop, but I admit there have been times when I’ve acted unkindly or hurt others. Many Ethiopians share this tendency to prioritize the feelings of others, seeking acceptance and validation from those around us.
However, there are moments when it’s crucial to uphold what is right and ensure tasks are completed, even if it means facing disapproval from others. Standing up for what you believe in can sometimes be a subjective matter. For example, if you address someone’s lack of effort at work, they might respond by saying they feel undervalued and unmotivated. They may even argue that they are exceeding their job requirements, leaving you momentarily speechless. You might express that you understand their position but still choose to fulfill your responsibilities, only to hear them say they don’t aspire to be like you. In those moments, you realize that while you have your own perspective, they also hold a valid point.
I have come to realize that we must find the courage to be unpopular, especially during challenging times. While it would certainly be wonderful to have others support our choices and work together, respecting the differences in our ideas, that isn't always a feasible or straightforward situation. It's essential to make decisions that align with your values or the goals of your organization, even if it means facing disapproval from those you are trying to uplift.
Ultimately, it is important to remember that you can't please everyone, just like coffee isn't for everyone! You can't inspire everyone or make them like you, so it's crucial to embrace the strength that comes from being okay with being disliked. Focus on what truly matters and stay true to your path, knowing that your decisions are made with integrity and purpose.